


Clash of the Devils

by Bl4ckHunter



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), Lucifer (TV), Smallville
Genre: Babysitting, Crack Fic, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25932217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bl4ckHunter/pseuds/Bl4ckHunter
Summary: One-shot story. Crack fic. Oliver and Sara ask Lucifer Morningstar, the Devil himself, to babysit their daughter Mia and Lucifer himself finds out that Mia can be a little devil herself as well.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, Oliver Queen/Sara Lance
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Clash of the Devils

**Author's Note:**

> Something I got from a conversation with Aragorn II Elessar.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own DC Comics or Lucifer the CW TV shows Arrow, The Flash, Legends of Tomorrow, Supergirl or any other characters or elements pertaining to the mentioned franchises.

"Are you sure you want me to take care of your little urchin?" Lucifer asked.

"I'm so sorry this is so last minute." Oliver told Lucifer apologetically as he stood with Sara and their 10-year old daughter Mia at the door to his penthouse.

"Look, if you don't want to do it, we can find someone else—" Sara started.

"It's alright, not to worry, I'll do it, it'll be fun." Lucifer promised.

"Be nice to Uncle Lucifer, alright, sweetie?" Sara told Mia.

"OK, Mom." Mia said as she shared a hug and kiss on cheeks with both her parents before they left Mia alone with Lucifer.

"Alright, little urchin, looks like it's the two of us and Aunt Maze this week." Lucifer said as Maze entered, twirling a knife in her hand.

"So, another little creature. This should be fun." Maze said as Mia sat down on the couch, smirking.

* * *

Lucifer was on his bed, sleeping before he heard slamming and someone messing up the keys on piano and he shot up from his bed and glared at Mia.

"No! No! No! No!" Lucifer said as Mia froze. "That's not a toy. It's expensive."

"But I want to play. Can you teach me, Uncle Lucifer?" Mia asked.

"Alright…" Lucifer sat down next to Mia and played some tones. "Play these." Mia did as instructed before she turned to Lucifer. "Excellent."

"Can you play a song, Uncle Lucifer?" Mia asked.

"Well, I can play you this tune I once saw on television. I found it hilarious." Lucifer said as he started to play slowly.

"I know that the winter follows the fall

And in New York the buildings are tall

I hear that in China they have a Great Wall

I know these things and more

But there's just one answer I'm still looking for..."

Lucifer then smirked at Mia before he fastened the tempo of the song and started spluttering.

"Who cut the cheese, pruh, who cut the cheese, pruh.

I ask you please, did you cut the cheese, pruh.

I'm not adverse to learning

Tell me why my eyes are burning

Who cut the cheese

Everybody!"

Mia then joined Lucifer as they sang and spluttered together.

"Who cut the cheese, pruh, who cut the cheese, pruh

I ask you please, did you cut the cheese, pruh

I'm not adverse to learning

So tell me why my eyes are burning

Who cut the cheese!"

Lucifer and Mia smiled at each other and spluttered for a while to finish the song.

Maze shook her head, smiling. "Aren't you two just adorable together?"

* * *

Lucifer was about to walk out of the cellar, when a bucket fell down on him from above some water and Lucifer screamed in pain as his face started to sizzle and smoke.

"Aah! Holy water!" Lucifer seethed in rage as he looked around. "Where are you, you little urchin?!"

Mia giggled from around the corner and ran off as Lucifer looked around, his face glowing red and turning into a devil face, about to scare Mia but she had managed to enter the elevator and escape the Devil's wrath.

* * *

Amenadiel laughed as he saw the small burn on Lucifer's cheek. "A bucket of holy water, I wonder where she got that idea."

"I hope you didn't tell her." Lucifer said.

"Come on, I had enough fun with the goat sacrifices and Satanists, this is beneath even my level." Amenadiel shrugged. "Honestly, Luci, one would think that considering Trixie, you could handle a little devil like Mia."

"There is room only for one Devil here and that's me." Lucifer growled.

* * *

Lucifer was sleeping on the couch, when Mia was about to put some whipped cream on his hand but Lucifer woke up, as his eyes glowed red, showing his Devil form.

"Got you now, you little demon, just wait until I get my hands on you!" Lucifer yelled, about to chase Mia but he then tripped on a tripwire as a net fell down on him from above, ensnaring him and trapping him and Lucifer found himself unable to use his supernatural strength to rip the net and free himself. "Is this a supernatural net or something? How is this possible?"

The elevator then dinged and opened. "Lucifer, it's Chloe."

"Bloody Hell, of course you're here!" Lucifer grumbled in annoyance. Whenever Chloe was around, Lucifer would always become vulnerable and without his superstrength.

"What is going on?" Chloe asked as she helped Lucifer free himself from the net and reached for a gun, assuming there was a criminal in the penthouse, who had it out for Lucifer. "Who did this to you?"

"A little demon dressed as a little girl, but luckily, not worse than my fellow subjects from Hell." Lucifer said.

Chloe, as usual, ignored Lucifer's Devilish references and quickly caught up to his thoughts. "Hold on. You're babysitting?"

"And this urchin is even worse than yours, Detective." Lucifer muttered and Chloe swallowed, trying to resist the urge to burst into laughter and Lucifer stared at her incredulously. "What? You think this is funny, Detective?"

"Lucifer, she wants to play with you and you're ignoring her. Trixie used to pull pranks on me and Dan like that all the time, because we were both too busy to spend family time with her." Chloe explained, stifling her giggles.

"So what am I supposed to do, Detective, summon hellhounds so that she and I can take them for a walk outside?" Lucifer asked sarcastically.

"No. Luckily, I know how to handle children." Chloe said.

* * *

Amenadiel, Maze and Dan entered Lucifer's penthouse and saw candles placed around the penthouse, on a table two glasses of wine and a bottle as they heard Chloe moan in pleasure.

"Well, it's just you and me, Detective." Lucifer chuckled.

"Well, it's a first time for everything." Chloe giggled as Amenadiel, Maze and Dan saw their legs tangled together and at first they assumed something inappropriate.

"You'll have to place a better bid." They then noticed that Lucifer and Chloe were lying on the floor, playing Monopoly with Trixie and Mia and Chloe's colleague, CSI Ella Lopez.

"Just wait, I'll leave you in the dust." Mia said.

"It's going to cost you, urchin." Lucifer joked.

"Oh, better hope you don't end up bankrupted." Ella snickered.

"We're here!" Oliver called as he entered with Sara.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Mia said happily, rushing to them and hugging them.

"How did you enjoy the time at Uncle Lucifer's?" Sara asked.

"Next time, better be sure I have some help." Lucifer muttered.

"What, the little devil beat the real Devil?" Oliver joked.

"Guess so." Dan snickered and Oliver and Sara tensed upon looking at Dan's face and shivered before making a mental note to themselves that it wasn't him.

"Want to do this sometime again?" Oliver offered.

"As long as I have some help." Lucifer said, turning to Chloe.

"Sure." Chloe nodded.

* * *

"Alright, we're in Smallville." Lucifer said as he and Chloe drove Mia to the Kent farm. "Let's see if Uncle Clark will babysit you."

A moment later, Clark went out from the house and smiled at Mia. "Hey. Want to come meet Uncle Clark?"

"Yay!" Mia said and Clark gave Lucifer and Chloe an assuring smile.

"Don't worry. She'll be in good hands." Clark promised and Lucifer and Chloe nodded nervously as they looked at Clark's face.

"That was…" Lucifer trailed off.

"…creepy as hell." Chloe finished, quite mind-blown.

"Well, in this case, you might be right, Detective." Lucifer said.

**Author's Note:**

> The piano part is from Two and a Half Men, when Charlie had to babysit Brandon, son of Linda Harris, who Charlie dated with for a short time and played him "Who Cut The Cheese", which I found silly and hilarious.
> 
> Lucifer is so lucky Chloe was there to help, otherwise, I'm pretty sure he would use his Devil face to traumatize Mia but Uncle Luci, looks like Lucifer's reputation turned from the Devil from Hell into a funny family uncle, which I'm sure he hates, since he's "boring" now.
> 
> And I just couldn't resist the joke with Kevin Alejandro as Sebastian Blood from Arrow and as Dan from Lucifer meeting Oliver and Sara and the Clark Kent that Lucifer and Chloe met at the end was the Smallville version played by Tom Welling, which is hilarious for obvious reasons, if you have seen Season 3 and for those who haven't seen it, all I'll reveal is that Welling's character in Lucifer was a police lieutenant and Chloe's boss, Marcus Pierce, who was often at odds with Lucifer because of his antics and Lucifer liked to hit Pierce's nerves and Chloe and Pierce were attracted to each other for a time but the relationship then fell apart for reasons I shall not reveal, since that would be spoiler but they have valid reasons to freak out over seeing Smallville's Clark.* snickers *
> 
> So, what do you guys think?
> 
> Please review and let me know if you have enjoyed this one-shot.
> 
> With regards
> 
> Bl4ckHunter


End file.
